ABSTRACT
Shame seems to be a hidden protagonist in the majority of the stories people share with me every day. Shame hides in a variety of feelings ex. feelings of being disrespected, ignored, looked down at, humiliated and many more. But very rare will people use the expression, shame. Shame hides for a number of reasons. First reason is what characterizes shame itself – the fear of not being loved. Shame can be seen as an effect of the opposite of being loved, and to talk about the shameful events can increase shame. Another reason that silences the topic of shame, is the complex relationship shame has to guilt. We often excuse unloving shame producing actions with quilt producing reasons. Thirdly there seems to be a lack of theoretical understanding that resonates with everyday experiences and provide a pathway to deal and reconcile with shame both in therapy and in everyday life.
With this presentation I hope to engage the participants in a theoretical framework around the concepts of shame, quilt and ethical shame. I will provide a useful map to detect and recognize shame in the work with children, families and individuals, and demonstrate therapeutic and everyday responses that go against shame and opens up for individual and relational care. I hope to make the relationship between shame and love visible and in the case of childhood trauma, provide an argument for the necessity to reconcile with shame.
Anette Holmgren